This year I decided to celebrate Black History Month by writing a long list of Black achievements and contributions to civilization. I bought a new pad of paper (Chinese invention) and got all my pencils ready (English invention). But, alas, there simply wasn’t enough material to fill the first page, let alone a whole pad.

After whizzing through jazz, necklacing, peanut butter, and daggering (a Jamaican dance craze), and one or two other dubious and minor achievements, I simply ran out of steam (Scottish invention—at least in its efficient industrial application).

No doubt this historical deficit is caused by racism, slavery, or "evil White people stealing their science" (Black invention). Whatever the reason it does little to address the basic problem, that Black history month lacks a lot of history.

So, instead of focusing on the comparative desert of Black contributions to human civilization, as Leftists would cruelly have us do, I have decided to fill out my long list with the achievements of what Liberals assure me is a practically identical racial group, namely my own ethnic group the Scots.

The Scots or course are just one of many European ethnicities whose enormous contributions to World civilization are quietly stacked up in vast mountain ranges of achievement, with scarcely a whisper of official approval or celebration.

So, without further ado, then, here is my list of Scottish inventions and innovations to set against the great sucking chasm left by focusing solely on Black contributions for a whole month. Strap in as it's going to be an extremely long ride.

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