SWEDISH STUDY EXONERATES PROPHET MOHAMMED OF CHILD RAPE

Although the lady on the right may look like a child, MRI analysis of her knee joints probably suggest she is 43.
A new medical survey conducted in Sweden on refugee children found that adherence to the Islamic faith apparently speeds up the aging process, increases stubble on women, and may greatly shorten lifespans. 

Using X-ray examinations of wisdom teeth and MRI analyses of knee joints, the survey carried out by the Swedish National Board of Forensic Medicine examined 1,481 asylum seekers, and found that 86% of Muslim children under the age of 18 had characteristics of adults.  

Some evil bigots have tried to explain the findings by saying that the mainly male asylum seekers were merely lying about their age so that they could be placed in intimate proximity with Swedish schoolgirls, and get an easier ride from the asylum granting process. Of course, this is just crass racism, as it probably says something about lying being bad somewhere in the Koran. It is much more likely that Islam, as a religion, just effects body maturity in some way.
The "downy lip" of an unveiled Muslim maiden.
This thesis could also explain other troubling aspects of Islam, like the well-known fact that Aisha, the third wife of the Prophet Mohammed, was only six-years old when he married her and nine-years old when the marriage was "consummated." 

This has led Islamophobes to accuse Mohammed of being a pedophile and child rapist. However, the new Swedish study offers a logical scientific explanation for this, one that exonerates the Prophet. 

If Muslims age faster than normal people, then clearly the six-year-old Aisha was more like a 16-year-old in non-Muslim terms, making sexual relations between her and her husband much more acceptable. 

The question remains, however, why the religion of Islam should have this strange "aging" effect on its believers. One theory is that the virtue of Muslims creates a kind of "heavenly updraft" around their souls, causing the aging process to speed up in their bodies towards the point of mortality, which is also the point at which they ascend into heaven. 

Another theory is that it could be something to do with the wide prevalence of "consanguinity" or cousin marriage in the Muslim community. See map below:

Sometimes known as "in-breeding," this could potentially weaken cellular mitrochondria and thus radically accelerate the aging process. 

The intriguing results of this Swedish survey suggest that more experiments on Muslims are called for, and should be accepted with an open and tolerant mind.
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  1. This is incredibly disrespectful to Muslims who are merely doing the jobs Westerners don't want to do, like procreating.

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